Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
