did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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