Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
