____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
