whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
