i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
