I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize