I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
