I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
