You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
