Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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