I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
