drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
