I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
