Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
