Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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