I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We talked him into tasing himself.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
