OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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