we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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