in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
