I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize