I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
