you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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