Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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