I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
