While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
