She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
