I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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