If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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