and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
