arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
