Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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