Tell her she can't have a vagina
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
