Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
