I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
