Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
