Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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