I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
