Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
