Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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