Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
