Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
