Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
