So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
