There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
