he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
