I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
