i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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