So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
