Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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