Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
