Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
