ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize