I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
