I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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