What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
