my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
