woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
