how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
