Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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