You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
