Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
