once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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