At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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