What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
