Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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