Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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