I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
