im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
