there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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