question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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