Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
