how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
