I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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