The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
